Dan vs equestria
by RainbowFires
Summary: Dan wakes up in the everfree forest in Equestria. What will he do next when a certain rainbow pegasus finds him kicking a tree? a Dan vs. and mlp:FIM crossover. Feel free to criticize me and point out the mistakes if I made any, I love it when you do that so I can make my story the best it can be :)
1. Chapter 1

Dan woke up to the bright rays of the sun shining in his face, and it was brighter than normal. In his groggy state of mind, still tired from getting revenge on a few unfortunate people who just happened to vandalize what they thought was a clearly abandoned vehicle, Dan tried lifting a hand to the side of the bed usually curls up on only to find grass in the little kitties place.

Dan shot up now fully awake and confused as he looked around to find trees, lots of trees. He tried to recall what he could have done last night and confirmed he went straight to bed after getting revenge and feeding his dear cat . He got up and wasn't even sure he was in america anymore.

Dan pulled out his cellphone and dialed his buddy chris only to find no reception and threw his phone at the nearest tree in a fit of anger.

"What sort of place doesn't have cell phone service? Where am I in the middle of nowhere?!"

Dan started to walk in a random direction, a scowl etched on his face. He walked for what seemed like hours, occasionally hearing bushes rustling and other random forest sounds. He was starting to think he was lost and started mumbling under his breath

"...Stupid forests!.."

Dan walked through the forest until tripping on a rock and smashing his skull on a tree. he was on the floor in pain. He hit the tree pretty hard, a big bruise and a headache was forming.

Dan rubbed his forehead with an even deeper scowl present on his face, dan tried to open his eyes only to make the headache worse

"Oww my head!"

Dan sat up and leaned against a tree moaning and rubbing his head. where's chris when I need him! stupid tree.." Dan got up and kicked the tree that had caused the bruise on his head before yelling

"OWWww my foot!" and kicking the tree again.

"YOWW! grrrr..." Dan stopped himself before he could kick the tree a third time and sat down to rest his now sore toes. Dan thought he heard something in the distance and turned his head towards the sound.

"Come on, twilight I seen it over here, I was practicing my tricks when I seen this thing kicking a tree-"

Dan dives into a bush to avoid being seen by any of the strange voices he heard. they sound female one voice a little scratchier than the other.

A blue horse that looks like some little girl played a joke and dyed the horse blue and her mane the colors of the rainbow trotted into the small clearing with what appeared to be a unicorn. Some cruel person probably dyed the horse purple and superglued a horn to it, maybe to entertain his daughter or something. What kind of sick person does that?

It was the Dan noticed the wings on the prismatic horse, that and the fact their eyes were huge. Dan wasn't sure if the wings were fake as the horse stretched them in anxiousness. Its like the horses are looking for something

'Who did I hear talking? the two voices I heard were from the direction the horses came from only a few seconds ago someone must be hiding around here somewhere waiting to trap someone or something' dan thought, suspiciously. Then he noticed the purple horse was staring in his direction, her pupils were narrowed a little as she carefully stepped towards me as if not trying to scare me away. The rainbow one was looking too now.

The purple ones horn started glowing, dan was surprised and fell backwards out of the bush. The horses appeared to be whispering to each other. Staring suspiciously at the equines dan got up 'the owners of these mutated horses have to be around here somewhere, then I can get out of this stupid forest!' Dan thought while looking around for any sign of another human.

When dan looked back at the ponies he saw the purple one was.. writing something with some invisible force holding the feather pen and paper or something. The rainbow one had a curious look on her face and the purple one had a gleam in her/his eyes. 'Wait. Where did that paper come from?!' Dan stared at the unicorn now knowing this isn't any horse. But dan really didn't care. However, dan was curious, watching the equines every move, as the equine did the same.

10 seconds passed and dan just wanted out of this forest so he thought about ignoring the mythological creature and walking away from the staring contest, after all it didn't do anything to him, and he seen weirder things than a unicorn and pegasus. the dinosaur and mummy for example, those were pretty weird. So dan just started walking away in a random direction ignoring the unicorn and pegasus.

'I should say something.. but what if I scared it away? no I can't do that, too risky. But it wears clothes it could be sentient! I'll try and say something maybe after I find out if its dangerous. I've never seen a creature like this before! I'll have to take notes...'

Twilight started writing and took notice how the creature is watching her write with a slightly curious expression before the creature just started walking away.

" Pssst, Twilight... Twilight! equestria to Twilight..." a certain neon pegasus whispered. "Huh? what is it?"

"Uhhh.. I think your new creature is escaping" dash pointed a hoof in the direction the creature walked off to talked a little louder now, " I'm gonna go pin to to the ground, that way we can find out if he'll hurt anypony"

"No! rainbow I got a glance at his teeth, two of them are canines which means he eats meat! what if he attacks you?!"

"nah, don't worry twi, I can take him!" the pegasus exclaimed before flying towards the direction the creature went at a rather fast rate.

"Rainbow dash! Wait! you might hurt it-" Twilight heard a rustling sound and a 'oof!' as she was trotting after Dash.

"oww! hey! GET OFF ME you rainbow horse! that hurts!" dan yelled, struggling furiously against the cyan pegasus as a purple unicorn watched. 'So it can talk! and it sounds like a male too it looks kinda like the creature lyra was talking about. a human.' The unicorn thought. 'Nah. can't be.'

Rainbow had dan pinned by having a hoof on each of his wrists, which were at his side, and her back legs were both holding his legs down. "Hey! get off, get off! I will bite you!" dan said as he tried to lean up and snap at her leg, only a few inches out of reach. "Why are you so close to ponyville, monster? Are you going to eat anypony?"

Dan managed to get a hand free and shove the pegasus off, getting up he said "ew! of course not! I don't eat horses! why do you say anypony instead of anyone?! HOW can you even TALK!?"

"Stop fighting and don't hurt him rainbow I need to study him!" Twilight yelled from the spot she was standing in, stepping back after she got a glare from rainbow. "As I was saying," Rainbow stepped towards dan in a menacing pose

"What are you doing so close to ponyville, monster?"

"I don't even know where I am I woke up in this forest a couple of hours ago! and then I was minding my own buisness, ignoring you, when you tackled me!" Dan stated while giving Rainbow his signature glare.

"Whatever, you're in equestria, if you don't harm anypony I'll show you the way to ponyville an-"

"I don't need your help I'll find it myself!"

Dan stormed off towards the trees before turning around

"And I'm not a monster! I'm a human being!" dan said giving another intense glare to rainbow.

"Wait! humans are mythological creatures lyra always talks about, she came in my library asking for a book on those!" Dan was about to say something when twilight trotted up to him and cut him off.

"You have to let me study you! I thought you might be a human, where do you come from? I cant believe youre a human! I'll be the first pony to meet a human! oh! wait! I have to write a letter to the princess! I-" dan stopped her talking by closing her muzzle with a hand

"Listen here, unicorn"

Dan took his hand off her muzzle " I am no-"

"My name is Twilight Sparkle and that's Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. as I was saying, I am NOT going to be studied like an animal! and I want to know what you mean when you said you thought humans are myths, isn't there any humans around here?"

"Not anywhere around here!" rainbow joined in the conversation.

"Yes, there's a legend about a human being spotted in equestria but that legend is so old it goes back hundreds of years and nopony can prove it." twilight said.

" Whatever, I'm not being studied! I'm sure this is just in some forest, when I get out I'll find a city. A HUMAN city."

Dan stomped away into the forest as the ponies followed him from a distance chatting about something he couldn't hear, dan was about to tell them to stop following him when Twilights horn glowed and he felt incredibly sleepy. 'I'm so tired... I'll just take a quick ... nap...' Dan thought before everything got blurry and he passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan woke up strapped to a chair with a grey helmet on his head and a slight headache. "Oww my head is killing me... where am I? why am I strapped to a chair?" Suddenly all his memories came back and hit him like a brick wall.

"Those ponies! THEY DRUGGED ME!" Dan struggled furiously trying to free his arms and legs, almost breaking the chair.

"I DEMAND TO KNOW WHERE I AM!" dan heard the sound of hooves hitting the floor. "oh! you're awake! good I can't record everything while your asleep."

"LET ME GO YOU SAVAGE!" Dans face started to turn red as he realized she was doing tests on him and broke one arm free as the arm broke off the chair

"YOU DRUGGED ME YOU VILE HORSE I HOPE YOU ROT IN HE-"

"Calm down, or I'll have to cast another sleeping spell on you! "

Dan yelled at her for another 30 seconds saying things twilight didn't pay attention to as he kept trying to free his other arm before just breaking the whole chair. Dan started to step towards the unicorn after throwing the blinking helmet off.

"I'LL THROW YOU OFF A BRIDGE YOU YOU STUPID EQUINE HOW DARE YOU I-.. I.." Dan started getting sleepy and fell to the ground as Twilight casted a sleeping spell on him for the second time that day.

"Sorry! but if your heart rate gets any higher, or if you got angrier you would have had a heart attack! you should have had one by now with that blood pressure, a normal pony would be dead at that rate!" dans eyes started fluttering closed as he muttered something unintelligible.

"wow, and that sleeping spell took longer than usual.. I better get a metal chair, or he'll just break the next one..." twilight trotted upstairs out of her basement to find a chair and apply straps to it as dan fell asleep on the floor, previous rage forgotten. 'aww the little guys kinda cute when he's sleeping and doesn't have a scowl on his face' twilight thought, looking back downstairs as she closed the basement door.

...

Twilight was assaulted by a pink blur that tackled her to the ground as soon as she got out of the basement

"Ohmygosh is the creature awake can I see it yet? lemme see it! is it awake, does it like partys?doesit?twilightweshouldthrowitapartycauseit snewtoponyvilleand-" "pinkie!" *gasp* "Iwonderifitlikescupkakes!canittalk?i'msoexited!ca nwekeepitasapet,canweCANWE?!"

"PINKIE!"

Pinkie stopped and looked at twilight.

"No the human isn't awake yet, it can talk, and how did you find out about him?"

"ohhh, it's a him? rainbow dash told me about the creature she found just a couple of half an hour ago! he's new in town, CAN I THROW HIM A PARTY?"

Twilight pushed Pinkie off of her and started walking off to the furniture and quill shop to find a sturdy chair with Pinkie following behind her.

"No, Pinkie I don't think you can throw him a party. It might take him a day or two to ... calm down.. anyway. he seems to get angry really easy, a party might give him a heart attack and I'm still not sure if he's going to be a threat to ponyville. I have to make sure he won't attack or hurt anypony."

"Oh well that's ok I guess... I can throw him a party later! oh look! its rainbow dash! I'm gonna go talk to her, bye Twilight!" Pinkie waved a hoof and bounced over to rainbow dash.

Twilight walked into the store and almost immediately found the perfect chair.

"Aha! this chair is perfect!"

...

As Twilight walked down the stairs she saw the foul mouthed human was still asleep and wondered if all humans were this angry. Twilight walked up to dan and removed his straps from the other broken wood chair, Strapping him to the now stronger metal chair with metal hoofcuffs. They were meant for hooves but she found a pair of hoofcuffs that would be secured around his wrist perfectly. Twilight secured his leg straps and put the helmet back on his head. She was a little worried the chair didn't have chest straps to hold the humans chest in place, but surely the cuffs will do fine at keeping him relatively still.

After Twilight cleaned up the bits of wooden chair she looked at the human who still hasn't told her his name yet and thought better of the situation. Twilight didn't want a repeat of before or he could hurt himself, so she took the helmet off his head and took the human, still strapped to the chair, upstairs to her bedroom with her magic.

Twilight figured the human might feel more comfortable if she didn't do any tests for now and was in a equipment-free environment so he would be more calm.

...

As Dan awoke he remembered where he was and had an urge to set this whole house on fire. if he was in a house, it looked more like a tree. dan heard voices downstairs and anger started clouding his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

====== **BEFORE READING, I fixed some stuff in the first two chapters,go read them :) ==========**

Dan was furious at the purple mare and swore revenge...again. Dan remembered his left thumb is double jointed so he slipped his left hand free. Dan quickly freed his other hand and undid the straps on his leg. Dan walked up to the window smashed it and leaped onto the tree branches. As he climbed down the back of the tree house he hid behind houses and traveled through alleys looking for the everfree forest were he could plot his revenge. After what seemed like hours of avoiding ponies and travelling down alleys he found the everfree forest and made a break for it. When he was almost in the pink demon blocked his path.

"HI!"

"AAHG" Dan yelled before falling over. "Watch it you pink horse I almost tripped!"

"Whatcha doin?"

"Escaping, now leave me alone."

"Can I come? can I can I? huh?CANICOME?"

"NO."

"Whynot?pllleessee? I wont tell Twilight were you are even though she's searching the whole town for you!"

"Go away." Dan got up and started walking towards the everfree forest when the pink pony got an evil grin.

"Oh! if you let me come I wont tell Twilight!"

"Tell her and I'll mangle you."

"I wont tell her but I'm still coming!"

"Whatever I'm leaving."

Pinkie started following him and couldn't stand the silence for more than 5 seconds before she said,

"Have you ever heard of cherry changas? I LOVE cherrychangas I invented them myself! I also call them chimi cherry changas!What name do you think is better? I personally like-"

**-THIRTY SECONDS LATER-**

"so I said OATMEAL? are you CRAZY?-"

"SHUT UP! argg! I can't take it anymore, enough with your infuriating rambling!"

"Okie dokie loki. You don't have to me so mean about it mr. grumpypants!"

"Shut up."

"Okie dokie lokie"

"Stop saying that"

"Okie dokie ."

"Shut up"

"Okie dokie lok-"

"SHUT UP"

A howl from behind them cut them off, it didn't sound too close but Dan didn't want to take any chances as both he and pinkie picked up their pace. They continues for a while before slowing down.

Dan stopped walking as they came across a small cave.

"This shall be were I plot my revenge!" Dan laughed evilly to she shy before falling backwards with a yelp.

"What revenge? CANIHELP?"

Dan rose to his feet and walked to the cave."No."

"Pleeeeese?" Pinkie looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.

"NO."

"PLEEEEEEEESSEE?" Pinkies puppy dog eyes got to the point were you couldn't see any white and slight tears came to the edge of her eyes as she stuck her lip out in a pout.

Dan looked down "N- uhmm.. Stop making that face!" Pinkie sat down somehow increasing her look of sad adorableness. "FINE STOP MAKING THAT STUPID FACE YOU CAN HELP ME."

"Yay! Who are we getting revenge on?" Pinkie's face returned to normal and she bounced up before you could blink.

"The purple one, Twilight Sprinkle or something."

"Ok! also, Its Twilight Sparkle. What do I help with!?" Pinkie put on her fake mustache and rubbed her hooves together.

"Go get some branches and the sharpest rock you can find. Also, bring all the other rocks you can find. I declare this cave to be the Dancave!"

"Okie dokie loki!" Pinkie bounced off into the forest. Dan looked inside the cave to see that it was empty so he walked in and found a small stick on the ground, he picked it up and started drawing a plan in the dirt.

Twilight and Applejack were sitting in the library while Rainbowdash and Fluttershy were searching above town to see if they can spot Dan while Rarity was in Canterlot for a few days and was no help. they had no idea where Pinkie was.

"Where could he have gone? He's not anywhere in town! Oh no... What if he went back int the everfree forest?!" twilight stopped and sat down taking a deep breath.

"Calm down Twi, ah'm sure he's 'round here somewhere but first we have ta find pinkie"

"Your right applejack finding pinkie is our first priority. But you know pinkie pie, she couldn't have gone far, she's probably following him as we speak!"

"Yer right, she'll show up sooner or later."

"Yeah.." Twilight sighed and started walked over to the door. "Lets go warn everypony, if he's still in town somepony will surely find him."

The two ponies walked outside to warn everypony to look out for the angry human.

Pinkie came back to the cave with a few moderately big branches on her back ans a saddlebag full of rocks. She didn't pay any attention to were she got the saddlebag, usually things just appear like that when she needs them she never for a second thought about how it happened, it just did.

"I'm back!~"

"Set the branches over here and hand me the sharpest rock!"

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie bounced over and hoofed him the sharp rock and dropped the branches next to him.

"What now?" Pinkie asked, bouncing with energy.

"Line up the rocks in a circle and go get some dried leaves twigs and mulch for the fire, its getting dark."

"Okie dokie lokie, is this like a camping trip? I'll get sleeping bags! and marshmallows!"

"Sure, whatever." Dan focused on peeling the bark off the straightest thinnest branch and making a point on the end while Pinkie gathered mulch composed of some twigs, dried leaves, sticks and dried grass dropping it in the circle of rocks, afterwards traveling to sugarcube corner to get camping supplies.

Pinkie pulled out spy goggles and a latex spy suit out of a tree and sneaked into ponyville, pinkie traveled through the shadows avoiding everypony she saw. She crawled up to the window of her bedroom in sugarcube corner and grabbed two sleeping bags. Crawling on the roof using suction cups attached to her hooves, she made her way downstairs into the kitchen when came in and saw her.

"Hello Pinkie! uh.. if I may ask, what are you doing?"

"I'm going camping with my new friend!" at that moment pinkies face fell. was Dan her friend? she never asked...she decided she would ask later.

"Okay then, see you tomorrow pinkie!" walked into the living room to help with the foals. Pinkie gathered the ingredients and left trotting out the door, down the street and straight into the everfree forest.

Dan finished carving the first branch into a sharp stick and broke up the other two larger branches and added them to the fire. He started rubbing two sticks together and did what he had natural talent for. Starting a fire.

Fifteen minutes of boredom and planning revenge later Pinkie came back with a saddlebag packed to the brim with marshmallows, chocolate and gram crackers with two sleeping bags on her back.

"Here ya go , your sleeping bag, I brought smore materials! Oh! and are we friends? wanna be my friend?!"

"I barely know you lady! were acquaintances-"

"Will you be my friend pleeeseeee?" Pinkie put the kicked-puppy-dog-sitting-out-in-the-rain look she used earlier and sat down again.

Dan didn't look at her and answered;

"No."

"PLEEEEEEEEASE? I'll help you with your revenge and I'll be helpful!"

Dan scowled and looked over as she said that and saw her puppy dog face

"N- whatever, fine. Just stop doing that! We're going to need a canon, 32 tomatoes, 25 eggs, green paint and a lot of chicken feathers."

"Okie doki lokie!" Dan set up his sleeping bag as Pinkie roasted a dozen marshmallows all on the same stick over the fire.

Dan curled up in his sleeping bag facing away from pinkie and fell asleep with pang of sadness and a single thought; 'I miss mr. mumbles.'


End file.
